Child Separation Anxiety: How to Prevent it in Your Own Child

Separation Anxiety is hard on the child and hard on the parent. While some amount of it is to be expected, there are a few things parents can do to lessen the stress. Of course, we talked a little about transitional objects. Children are often comforted during the parents’ absence when they have an item from home to keep with them. This is where the security blanket might come into play. Perhaps you remember being especially attached to a teddy bear or other stuffed animal as a child. Chances are, this fluffy creature or fuzzy blanket acted as your transitional object.

Shortening the length of the goodbye can also be key in lessening Separation Anxiety. Be sure to have all of your child’s necessities packed in one place so that you can hand them over to the caregiver and make your exit. It is important to say goodbye to the child, however. Sometimes it seems like sneaking out the door is the easiest way to avoid a scene, but it will only add to the child’s sense of distrust about you leaving. Having everything gathered together makes it easier to leave without having to keep returning to drop off items from the car and thus drawing out the inevitable. If you are leaving the child with a caregiver at your own home, resist the urge to return to the house, even if you can hear your little one crying. It generally takes a few minutes for kids to calm down, and every time to return, you are increasing that duration.

Anticipation of a separation can also increase the child’s anxiety, so it’s best not to discuss it too much ahead of time. It may be helpful, however, to practice separating so the child becomes accustomed to the act. Set up a time with a friend or family member when you can drop the child off for short periods of time. Try leaving your child there for 15 minutes or so, and then return and point out that you did as you said you would. Gradually increase the time you are gone, remembering to always say “goodbye” before you leave and to make note of your return. It is best to return while the child is awake, too, so he is aware that you are safe before trying to go to sleep.

You can also decrease our child’s anxiety by making the situation less novel. This suggestion is less for parents who deal with Separation Anxiety each day when dropping the child off at the same daycare, and more for those whose children become clingy in new situations. If you are planning to drop your child off at a new daycare or school, it can be extremely helpful to do a little reconnaissance first. Ask the caregivers for names of other families at that daycare or school and look into setting up play dates before the big event. Then you can take your child to the new environment, and he will already know someone there. You can extend this by taking the child to the new place for a little tour for the both of you before his first day. Talk about all the fun things you saw and the child will experience when he returns to spend time on his own.

Finally, children often respond to separation as their parents do. If you find leaving your child to be traumatic, don’t let on. Be brave and avoid letting him see you cry. The same is true upon your return. It is great to hug the child and tell him how happy you are to see him, but getting overly emotional will just reinforce the child’s idea that separation is difficult. For the majority of children, this phase will pass with time, but there are ways to lessen the effects. As with so many aspects of parenting, your strength will likely be the factor that teaches your child the proper response to separation.

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